Hey Siss! I want you to know that the Holy Spirit really showed me my life in stages as I begin to spend time in prayer and journaling. There was so much built up inside of me over the years and finally I had a safe space to share them and receive comfort. I had never experienced this before because everyone that I had ever opened up to ended up betraying me to some degree. When I gave my life to Jesus Christ I finally felt that my heart was in a place that it could heal in. I took the time to share all that was hurting me and I did this with tears falling from my eyes and seemingly reliving everything that I shared with him in prayer.
He then begin to allow me to revisit the very first time that these painful emotions, thoughts, and perceptions were introduced. I saw that as far back as ten years old I was in bondage and severely attacked by the enemy in my mind. At this point I began to truly feel the effects of never knowing who my biological father was or even having a picture of him. My mother and I didn't have a loving relationship and I suffered deeply due to this. I had never experienced what it felt like to be loved as a child by my parents. It caused such an unhealthy desire for love, acceptance, and inclusion from others.
This initial form of rejection from my parents caused me to feel rejected, unloved, and unwanted. I battled intensely throughout my teens , adolescence, and young adulthood as I was trying desperately to gain validation and approval through peers, family, and men in relationships. I was so broken, lost, hurt, confused, and feeling like a complete failure due to never having a real environment of love and safety. I entered relationships fragmented, desperate, and afraid. I suffered from intrusive thoughts that spoke to me that I wasnt worth true connection, love, inclusion, or consideration. I heard ( intrusive thoughts in my mind) that no one will ever love me because no one had ever loved me.
The reason why the narcissistic lovebombing was so effective was because I had been so demonically conditioned to believe that I was worthless. This was done through use of my impoverished home environment/community, daddy issues/mother wounds, bullying, isolation, and low self-esteem. When someone comes along and they place all of their focus, time, attention, and desires on you it is more than just flattering. This person just countered something that you have been struggling with in your soul! This makes this encounter spiritual and also an attack because it is not genuine and it is done to manipulate an invitation into your life. This relationship seems to be the solution to what you have been running from your entire life.
The problem is that you can never escape what is inside of you! The things that you thought that the person in your life who has proven to be a narcissist would heal, they won't. They can't because only God can heal spiritual wounds in your soul. A narcissist is sent in the life of a hidden Royal Daughter of God to keep her in spiritual, mental, psychological, and emotional bondage. I learned that I was running from something that I couldn't escape until I gave it God. Coincidentally, this relationship served as a way to keep me enslaved with the notion that I couldn't run away or escape because I believed that this was love. This person had been successful in conditioning me that the ways in which they "loved" me was all that was available for me considering my troubled past.
My encouragement for you today Sis is that you stop running from the pain. No longer allow the unfortunate circumstances that consisted of sexual , physical, emotional, verbal, and any other type of abuse to burden you in your spirit and speak lies to you about your worth and value. The only way that you will heal is if you cry out to your Heavenly Father in prayer! He will help you and wants to dry your eyes from the years of secret pains and hurts that you have carried. He understands that you didn't know the best route to turn on and this man manipulated your heart and your being unconscious to who you are as a DOTMHGOI. All you have to do is choose Jesus today and believe that He is the Son of God . Confess and repent of your sins and choose to worship HIm and your life will change.
I remember writing out and repenting of all the sinful things that I remembered ever doing. I was so serious about God knowing that I didn't want to live that way anymore. I saw clearly that I needed to give my life to Him and that I would experience something that I had never encountered before when I did. You maybe keeping a secret about something that happened to you or maybe you only told the person you thought loved you. I am here to verify that when you release it to God (confess it) he begins to release it from your soul! He has grown tired of you being afraid, lonely, hurt, abused and never receiving any true comfort or healing. Do not run away from moments , memories, or experiences in your life by running into the arms of a man. Instead, give your burdens to the Lord and He will take care of them. Finally find yourself engulfed in real peace, love, comfort, and protection for the first time in your life. I promise you will never desire to leave. Jesus is everything that you have been searching for , but have been unable to find.
Please utilize the contact form on my blog website to send me personal prayer request, advice about your situation, and personal questions I will respond as time permits.Sis as I am a prayer warrior/intercessor for Christ I love you sis and be blessed!
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