I can recall so many sleepless nights tossing and turning while trying my hardest to conceal the tears. It seemed as if they refused to stop streaming down my face. It feels like your body is numb yet hot at the same time. You feel as if something is standing on your chest and it seems as if it is a struggle just to swallow. The thoughts ruminate throughout your mind of your day and how the person who lies next to you has mistreated you yet again. Tomorrow will be better. I will be certain that everything goes as planned so that we can have a good day. You rehearse the day in your head. You think about all the things that he enjoys. I'll make his favorite dish and grab the dessert he adores. I will finish my tasks earlier and ensure that the kids are taken care of. I remember all of the things he shared with me, while in tears because he was SO terribly hurt, by all the things that his exes did to neglect him and be certain to do the opposite. ("GROOMING") You do all of this creating your own world of anxiety trying to please this person whom you love and IT NEVER WORKS SIS! You find yourself on the receiving end of his verbal, physical, emotional, psychological, mental, and spiritual abuse. All that you can think about is the immense effort that you put into trying to please him. WHERE IS THE SWEET, KIND, CHARISMATIC, CHARMING, AND POLITE man that you initially met? ("LOVE BOMBING TECHNIQUES")
These thoughts and feelings drown your body, soul, and spirit as you spend another night in the shower or in bed crying silent tears. This was my existence for seven years. I over extended myself so tremendously! My days were so long and yet I managed to always find the time to be so thoughtful, caring, and considerate of him and his family. I always placed myself last and most times I just didn't place myself at all. I gave all of my time, heart, money, and energy to this man. I only desired to be loved in return. Something that I NEVER RECEIVED!
The manipulative Covert Narcissist is very skilled at mimicking emotions and this person would often transition from abusing me and then breaking down in tears uncontrollably citing how his father abandoned him as a child ( I have shared that I suffer from abandonment issues as a child). He would speak about his impoverished childhood ( I have gone into great lengthy discussions regarding this aspect of my childhood as well as it has impacted me severely). The Narcissist MANIPULATES your empathy and traumas. They simply use everything that you have shared with them during intimate conversations and mimic your life. This ALWAYS works because you are naturally connected to basically hearing your own traumas repeated to you from another persons perspective as a ploy to coerce empathy. I learned that I am PROPHETIC ( a secular term would be the EMPATH) and that God created me with an intense interest and compassion for others. I literally can physically “feel” and “absorb” the pain of others and instinctively desire to do all that I can to help. The Narcissist manipulates this God-Given spiritual trait at all cost. Satan is so very deceitful and heartless! This would always lead to me pacifying him, drying his tears, consoling his “pretend hurting inner child”, and apologizing to HIM for triggering his emotional melt down after he had abused me! THIS IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT NARCISSISTIC ABUSE LOOKS LIKE FOR THOSE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED AND HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING! The cycle of abuse never ends with these demon possessed individuals. They will continue to manufacture endless emotional abusive tactics such as the personal example I just shared. These attacks are always accompanied by the other forms of abuse such as: verbal, physical, mental etc.
The tears would soak my pillows often. The night would involve being tormented by constant thoughts about everything. You know the "WHY THOUGHTS" Sis. The "why" can't he just see that I am doing the complete opposite of his previous relationships? I don't understand "why" he always yells and screams at me when I intentionally strive to make sure he is ok and everything is in order in the home. I can't seem to comprehend "why" he would bring up something that happened to me in my childhood to belittle me knowing that I still suffer from nightmares regarding that abuse?
It seems as if the Narcissist ENJOYS seeing you suffer. I am here to tell you that they definitely DO! It's imperative that you begin to understand that this person has a demon residing inside of them and they have been assigned to torture and torment you by Satan himself. They have the easiest access to do this because they have been successful in "creeping into your house" ( 2 Timothy 3:6) and fooling you into believing that they love you and care for you. This is why the person you first met was so unbelievably charming.. it was all a part of Satans game to enslave you emotionally. You become enmeshed in this endless cycle of demonic abuse and the tears seem to never end!
SIS.. I want you to know that Our Heavenly Father sees every single tear that has fallen from your eyes. I have proof! The bible says in Psalms 56:8 that "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." YES YOU READ CORRECTLY! God sees every single sleepless night and every single tear that has fallen into your shower, pillows, hands, and everywhere else! He is heartbroken having to sit and watch his beautiful daughter sit and be so terribly assaulted in every way imaginable. You have to invite God into your life just as you extended the invitation to this person that you were certain really loved you. God is more POWERFUL than anything that Satan and his "seeds" can conjure up. He is the King of every realm! He is all powerful and he wants to rescue you from all of the things that caused you to subconsciously submit to this type of abuse. He wants to heal you today Sis and restore you back into the Kingdom of God!
Just imagine for a moment, a loving Dad sees someone shove his baby girl to the pavement leaving bloody scrapes and bruises.. that Dad is jet-setting over to rescue and defend his baby girl! Our Heavenly Father is anxious to do the same, but you have to choose Him. Submitting my life to God was the MOST life altering decision that I have ever made. I had realized that this person had succeeded in luring me into committing idolatry! This person had become my everything and he had consumed my life. The relationship looked more like worship because every single thing was about appeasing and pleasing him. God was not first in my life and that was just the way Satan desired it to be. I thank God for DELIVERING me from that deep satanic bondage that I called a relationship. I pray that you follow in my footsteps and allow God to deliver you as well Sis. You are a Daughter of The Most High God of Israel and its time you let God do something about all the tears that this abusive relationship has caused you to shed.
I love you Sis and I am praying that with each blog post the spirit of the Living God begins to unravel the chains on your mind and you begin to see things clearly. Do not blame yourself for having a heart that you unknowingly placed in the hands of Satan. Its ok Beloved.. The King, Our Father, will mend your broken heart and you will never be consumed by the enemy in this manner again when you are filled with The Holy Spirit! Invite him into your life today Sis... Now dry those beautiful eyes !
Be blessed
Be intentional
Be unmoved
WE ARE A SISTERHOOD OF THE DAUGHTERS OF THE MOST HIGH GOD OF ISRAEL AND THIS IS A SAFE SPACE. PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW AND OPEN UP AS WE ARE ALL HEALING TOGETHER AND WE NEED THE SUPPORT OF OUR SISTERS IN CHRIST. NO SISTER IS TO FEEL AS IF SHE IS ALONE. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE SIS!
*** PLEASE UTILIZE THE CONTACT FORM ON MY BLOG WEBSITE TO SEND ME PERSONAL PRAYER REQUESTS, ADVICE ABOUT YOUR SITUATION, AND PERSONAL QUESTIONS. I WILL RESPOND AS TIME PERMITS SIS AS I AM A PRAYER WARRIOR/INTERCESSOR FOR CHRIST. I LOVE YOU SIS AND BE BLESSED!***
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